It is best to learn confidence from people who had it. Their lives radiated with self confidence without them having to talk about it or trying to convince people that they were confident. They just had it.

People who insist that they are confident, most likely are not, and are just saying it as a way to boost their own self confidence. Well, that could work and it could work for you, too – telling yourself you have self confidence to be self confident; but that is not the kind of deep confidence that lies within and doesn’t need verbal reinforcement.

People with deep self confidence simply had it, and you can learn from them. What these people had are little known secrets that could boost your own self confidence.

Confidence Lessons from Bruce Lee

Be Bruce Lee. The world’s most popular martial artist walked this earth chin high, literally. Before he became a mega superstar, he was just a “chink” that walked around Los Angeles trying to sell his great film and TV show ideas. He did have a great idea. It was called “Kung Fu”, which became a major international TV hit but did not star Bruce Lee because Mr. Lee was, well, Asian. Yet, it didn’t ruffle the martial artist a bit. He pursued his dream in Hong Kong and the rest is history.

What was Bruce Lee’s secret to self confidence that could bolster yours? Not martial arts, but mental strength. He was strong first mentally and then it flowed like water to his entire being. Martial arts was simply his chosen method of expressing his inner strength.

He said, “If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”

Mr. Lee had another secret for you to learn, his humility. He never insisted that he was good, that he was strong, or that he was confident. He simply lived it and didn’t brag about it. The Sweet Science website described him this way: “Bruce Lee had that same kind of blazing self-confidence …. Though bragging and boasting was never part of the now deceased kung fu master’s persona, the world recognized his abilities and new twists on fighting techniques.” (Source: Sweet Science.)

If it works for you to tell yourself that you have self-confidence, then do so, but keep quiet about it or else people will notice that you are just psyching yourself. Talk to yourself, tell yourself what you need to hear, meditate in silence.

You can read so many books about Bruce Lee. There are many to learn about him on self confidence, but these two are the most glaring: his mental strength and humility.

Confidence Lessons from Albert Einstein

Emulate Einstein. Before his famous E=mc2 equation exploded in the world of Physics, people thought Mr. Einstein was just another nut. He went about minding his ways, contemplating about the universe. His secret to self confidence was his genius. But that is a problem, you might think, because you are not a genius. You have to understand, though, that what made Einstein a true genius was not just his off-the-charts IQ but more importantly his recognition of his intelligence and that he was able to maximize it regardless of what people were saying or not saying.

Before he published his theory on relativity, nobody knew about him, nobody knew of his genius, and Mr. Einstein could have let it remain that way. But he chose to let the world know of his genius anyway because he knew the world had to.

There is a genius in you, you just have to recognize that and let the world know. You may not have the highest IQ in class, at work or in your family but there is a kind of genius in you that is uniquely yours. Let it out.

Still not convinced that you are a genius? Read Mr. Einstein’s words: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

It is quite difficult to compare yourself with the Albert Einstein, for sure. But there is another thing to be learned from this man. He had inspiration. Although he preceded Physics textbooks, he had two sources of inspiration – the universe and his lady. His first wife was Mileva Maric, and according to PBS, she had more to do with Einstein’s success than the world knew about. Just before Einstein published his world-renowned thesis, Mileva told her friend, “We (she and her husband) finished some important work that will make my husband world famous.” Soon after, the couple divorced, and Mr. Einstein was not able to produce another physics paper that was as successful as the one he and his wife did in 1905.

What or who inspires you? What or who pushes you to become better? Find someone who will tap the back of your shoulder for every achievement. The rest of the world may not notice what you just achieved, but that someone will.

Mr. Einstein was a genius, and so are you; he had a source of inspiration and so must you.

Confidence Lessons from Steve Jobs

Say I for i am Steve Jobs. Millions know Steve Jobs for the iPhone, iPod, iPad, iMac, and other brilliant life-changing, trend-setting inventions. A few more millions got to know him after his death, and that is a sign of a true hero. Before he became world-renowned, he was just another geek, a nerdy teenager who tinkered with machines rather than dated pretty college girls. But, much like Einstein and Bruce Lee, he knew who he was inside – his metal strength and inner genius – and built on it.

Today, people are saying “Steve Jobs was confidence personified.” A book titled “Success Tweets” by Bud Bilanich said, “Self confidence must come from within. Outside reinforcement and strokes can help, but you have to build your own confidence,” and the author said, “Steve Jobs did just that.”

What were Mr. Jobs’ secrets to self confidence? Exploration and learning. He said it himself in an interview with Sminthosian: “It gave a tremendous level of self-confidence…. Through exploration and learning one could understand seemingly very complex things.”

So it does help to read books, go to school and listen to advice.

But Einstein and Jobs both dropped out from school, but that’s simply because the books and education they needed were already in their heads. They were way ahead of their time, but that doesn’t mean they shunned learning. Mr. Einstein spent several years learning and perfecting his profession at the patent office, while Jobs enjoyed his calligraphy classes, which developed his aesthetic sensibilities.

While Mr. Jobs explored on so many things that eventually led to the establishment of world-class companies and invention of super high-tech gadgets, he never stopped learning.

So there you have it. Six little known secrets from three world-renowned personalities to boost your self confidence: have mental strength and humility as Bruce Lee, search your genius and source of inspiration as Albert Einstein, and never stop exploring and learning as Steve Jobs.

But if you put all three personalities together, you get a seventh secret: always strive to serve a greater good. Bruce Lee did it for the art form he loved, Albert Einstein for Science, and Steve Jobs for the rest of the world. In other words, build your self confidence not for the sake of building it, but for the sake of harnessing so much strength inside so that you can help other people.

There’s really no linear path for attaining confidence in yourself. You can pick up some of those pick up artist books and learn some easy tricks, but those easy tricks only get you so far. If you’re looking for lasting relationships, successful first dates and meaningful contact with women, you need to find real confidence from within.

There are plenty of reasons you might be lacking in confidence but some are more common than others. In fact, it usually boils down to one of these two root causes:

1. A Lack of Self Worth

Lacking in confidence with women, at work or anywhere else in your life often points to something that’s missing, some sense of meaning or purpose. This is the curse of being born free. For all the privileges we enjoy living in the free world, the burden of finding your own direction in life is too much for some people.

For men who feel like their job doesn’t matter, like they could simply die tomorrow and nobody would notice, it’s very difficult to work up the confidence and sense of self required to talk to women with ease. For some men, a pet is the cure. It’s hard to disregard just how important you are when you have a dog that worships the ground you walk on. For others, picking up a hobby like painting or a second job in a field they enjoy can be an enormous help.

In other words, if something is missing in your life, if you wake up every day feeling like you don’t matter, then you need to get that in order first and your love life will fall into place soon after.

2. Inexperience with woman

It can be embarrassing to admit that you’re a virgin when you’re in your twenties. It’s difficult to ask a girl out on a date if you’ve never even been on a date.

A solution?

The only cure for this is to get experienced.

Talk with people whenever you can, women and men. Chat with folks in line at the grocery store or in your favorite coffee shop. Chat with fellow moviegoers while exiting a theater. If you ever have trouble making conversation, remember this simple trick: Ask people for their opinions, get them talking about themselves, about their feelings and thoughts.

This serves a few purposes:

• First, it keeps them interested, because nothing is more interesting to a person than themselves.
•  Second, it lets them carry more of the conversation so that you’re not straining your brain to come up with something to say.
•  Third, and most importantly, it makes for great practice for a first date, because every woman loves a good listener.

How to make friends and influence people

It may be old, but that doesn’t mean the techniques in this book are not effective. In fact, they’re timeless. Some of them are incredibly simple – smile more,  use people’s names. Others, such as building up people’s reputations, are more difficult to implement. But they all work.

For me, one of the most effective pieces of advise was never to criticise or complain. That can be rather difficult when you have children (talking from experience here!) but as the book explains, there are more effective ways to achieve what you want.

This may not be a direct confidence book, but as you learn to befriend and influence (and it is influence, not manipulate) your confidence will rapidly build.

The 7 principles of highly effective people

I must admit, I was expecting a business book when I bought this. What I got, however, was a blueprint to building up your character to deal with the whole life situations, from a happy marriage and bringing up kids to how to be a better business person.

You slowly work through different principles, achieving (hopefully) first a greater independence, confidence and control over oneself, before achieving the second goal of interdependence. Throughout it, you learn to develop a ‘core’ based on principles – sounds corny, but the book is deep, insightful and inspiring.

This book is rather harder going than the previous one, but in many ways fits it perfectly, giving deeper underlying principles to complement the techniques used and suggested in How to make friends and influence people.

Indeed, some of the greatest achievers in history suffered, at times, from a lack of confidence.

Abraham Lincoln, for example, had a complete nervous breakdown before becoming President – not surprising after losing two business and eight elections!

Here’s some quotes from some great achievers that will help you to gain your own self-confidence!

The Need for Confidence

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

Source: Unknown

If you doubt yourself, then indeed you stand on shaky ground.

Source: Henrik Ibsen

They are the weakest, however strong, who have no faith in themselves or their own powers.

Christian Bovee

The Power of Self-Belief

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Source: Eleanor Roosevelt

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.

Source: David Brinkley

Whether you think you can or think you can’t – you are right.

Henry Ford

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.

Mark Twain

If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.

Thomas Alva Edison

A great figure or physique is nice, but it’s self-confidence that makes someone really sexy

Vivica Fox

How to be confident

Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.

Richard Kline

One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.

Arthur Ashe

Which quote is the most useful to you – and can you add any of your own?

“Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one’s own sun.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson. Truer words have never been spoken. Rejoice in this idea because it means you are the person that can get out of your own sun. In other words, you have the power at all times to boost your self esteem and get out of your own sun beam.

At first glance, most online training courses will give you an overview of the training procedure they employ’ or several stages of their training scheme. The first impression on visiting the website or contacting a representative of the training company should be your first evidence on the nature of the course. If your gut feeling tells you that their confidence training course is not up to par, you should not ignore it.

A good confidence training course should always allow you to take the lead in boosting your self-confidence. This is because it is simply not possible to boost someone’s morale by ‘spoon feeding’ them with instructions. Self-confidence comes from within and in order for it to grow; a training course should only guide you in the right direction and then let you go the last few yards. The approach taken by training courses determines how successful the program will be.

A confidence training course that employs ‘quick fix’ techniques such as the affirmation method is not effective. This is the method where you are told to develop phrases that you repeat to yourself to temporarily boost your self-confidence. You should look for courses that teach permanent solutions which will permanently improve your esteem.

You should also ensure that the training course you choose focuses more on the root cause of your lack of self-esteem. This is the best approach to solving the problem and preventing it from any recurrence. It also positions you with techniques for dealing with self-esteem issues in future circumstances without the need for professional intervention.

A good training course should focus on using your current status of self-esteem to improve you from the ground up. It should ensure that you are comfortable with yourself at all times. If you find a course that attempts to train people to behave differently, they may actually be causing more harm to the participants. This is because the attempted change in the personality of a person will only make them more confused. This will eventually make the interactions with other people to become uneasy. All courses work on the principle that true confidence can only come from within a person. It cannot be coerced.

Assertiveness training protects you

According to SelfDefense4Women.com, people who victimize others are looking for an easy target. People who are self-confident have less of a chance of being victimized, because, “assertive people know their rights and respect the rights of others,” according to the site.

Some of the rights that assertive people know that they have include knowing that they have the right to change their minds, the right to prevent others from taking advantage of them and to the right to avoid being manipulated by people. If you feel guilty about exercising these rights, the site recommends first and foremost that you be direct and make your ‘nos’ mean no and your ‘yeses’ mean yes without apologizing for either one.

Self-esteem issues

Learning to be more assertive can challenge some people, because those around them will sometimes say that they are being selfish by saying ‘no’ and exerting their new-found confidence, according to the website More-Selfesteem.com. The site goes on to say that part of the reason is that a misconception exists about what being assertive means. Often being pushy and aggressive is thought to be the same thing as being assertive, but it’s not. Proper training teaches people the difference, which primarily means speaking freely and standing up for yourself. Truly assertive people have their own sense of power and confidence, and they treat others with kindness and respect. Really it is the embodiment of the Golden Rule.

In work and life

A lack of self-confidence creates all sorts of issues for the non-assertive person. Assertive people ask for promotions and raises at work, make many friends and are able to verbally communicate their ideas. Additionally, many people who lack self-esteem, also tend to have more issues with substance abuse. The Oregon Family website attributes in part to an inability to say ‘no’ to peers who use drugs and alcohol. Many times, these issues carry over into adulthood.

Developing confidence

Assertiveness training can start early in life. Kids who grow up in a family that positively models assertive behaviors have a better chance of growing up with these skills. However, it’s never too late for you to learn. Exercises as simple as practicing different scenarios and the possible responses to them as well as taking small steps like saying ‘no’ when making minor decisions helps to pave the way for using these skills when the stakes are higher. With practice you can learn to navigate your way around many different types of situations and personality types, asserting your position without overdoing it.

Breathe Confidently

Before starting to tackle the problem before you, take three deep breaths. Slowly breathe in through your nose, holding the breath in your lungs for a count of three and then slowly exhale through your mouth. This simple task will calm the jitters and help you to think more clearly, which is required to feel confident.

Confident Posture

Stand up straight and keep your chin up. This not only makes you look in control, but will make you feel confident. An article in the October 2009 European Journal of Social Psychology reports on a study that showed individuals who held good posture believed in their abilities, more so than those that held poor posture.

Dress Confidently

Take a few minutes to look in the mirror. Make sure your dress is neat and appropriate for the situation. Make sure you are well groomed. When you look good, you feel good. More over, if you are preoccupied with the wrinkles in your shirt or an ill fitting suit, you will not be able to give your full attention to the situation at hand, thus diminishing your confidence.

Affirmations

While you are checking yourself out in the mirror, take the time to look yourself strait in the eyes. Repeat some positive affirmations, such as “ I look wonderful,” or “I am confident.” Right before a “take charge” moment is a perfect time for affirmations. However, repeat this affirmation session each day to instill that permanent feeling of confidence that you wish to acquire.

Fake Confidence

The old saying “fake it, till you make it” isn’t such a bad idea. If all else fails, just pretend that you are a confident person. Think of someone you believe to be confident and then emulate them. Study how they walk, talk and handle themselves. Acting confident will surely add to your feelings of self-worth and create a positive attitude.

If these tips don’t work for you, it may be time to look at training – see how assertiveness training could help you!